What if the key to feeling happier in Denmark is not belonging but meaning?
Many internationals stay in Denmark despite not being happy. The reasons vary. It might be a partner’s wish to remain, children who are well integrated, or better human rights. But internationals, accompanying spouses in particular, often feel isolated and look at a stalled career with growing despair.
Belonging has become a concept often cited as the solution to these problems. If only internationals can feel like they belong, they’ll be happy. I have had a problem with this focus from the start, because belonging depends on others.
Psychological research describes belonging as something that arises in interaction between a person and those around them. How can we help ourselves feel better if the supposed solution depends on other people’s behaviour towards us? We cannot control that.
Therefore, I have begun to focus instead on meaning. Viktor Frankl, whose accounts of his imprisonment in concentration camps are so humbling to read, showed how people could still find meaning even when stripped of all recognition of their humanity. They found it in how they faced their horrendous conditions and in the hope of still being able to contribute their unique gifts after being freed from the camps.
A meaningful life is something that is in everyone’s power to create. How it looks for one person will differ from how it looks for the next. Meaning begins with knowing what we live for, what our values are, and what we wish to contribute.
For building a meaningful life in Denmark despite the obstacles, a good starting point is to ask yourself, why do you live in Denmark, beyond doing it for others or out of necessity. Take a deep dive. From there, taking actions aligned with your values can create small, steady shifts that gradually change your life for the better.